In addition to wondering what grief really means, another question many who deal with loss might ask is, “how long does grief last?” This page will cover the various aspects of the answer to that question.
However, because of the complicated nature of grief, arriving at a clear conclusion may not happen all that easily.
Based on my training over the last decade in the area of grief support, the following points offer clarity about the length of your grief:
1. Your grief journey will look different from someone else’s.
A combination of unique life experiences and your own personality means that you will journey through grief in a way that does not match another person’s bereavement experience. I encourage you not to try to copy steps other people take to manage their grief. What is best for you? For example, you might need to hold on to your loved one’s belongings longer than a friend of yours who is also grieving.
2. Grief does not operate within a time frame.
What I mean by this is, there is no time limit on grief. If someone tells you that you should be over your grief by now after two years or something like that, such a statement would reflect a lack of understanding about grief. We should not expect or tell a person to “get over it.”
3. Because of your love for the person, your grief may never go away.
God created us as relational beings. Humans connect with each other in familial relationships, friendships, and working partnerships. If you did not love or had a close relationship with the person, you likely wouldn’t grieve.
4. The phrase “healing from grief” probably should be changed to “managing your grief”
What do I mean by managing your grief? A good way to view this process is taking steps to ensure that you are coping in a healthy way and moving forward with your life along with your experience of grief. In a sense, we never really “heal from grief” at least when it comes to the loss of a loved one.
5. Grief may last a long time, but how one copes depends on the person and his/her decisions.
Some people cope well and move forward in life with those feelings. Others try to eliminate their pain in unhealthy ways, and thus stay stuck.
Some turn to drugs and alcohol, for example. Others try to numb their pain with another kind of addiction. I know many who grieve and sink into a period of depression. They stay in isolation and avoid people altogether.
Another unhealthy way to cope is by working oneself to death. I don’t mean literally to death but staying so active and busy that the grieving person allows no time to process his or her grief.
Conclusion
Since grief is a journey that can continue indefinitely, the issue is how one grieves-- not when those feelings will go away.
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If you don't feel your grief is normal, Discover the 12 Aspects of the Grief Journey...